The U Turn

What’s the point of being negative or fearful? We can’t control it.  –Mathew Ashford


My last post ended up with my arrival in Jaipur, and the diagnosis waiting for me to shatter me for a second.

As it was a long journey, by the time me and my father reached Jaipur, the Sun left us to his own home, it was dark outside like me from inside when I saw three smiling rays approaching near the ambulance in which I was brought to Jaipur, and they were the one who always inspire me a lot and sometimes I do for them 🙂


Meet my siblings we proudly call ourselves “Four Cartoons.”

I wanted to hug them but could not, yet in our in usual way we greeted each other by saying “Yo”. Dad decided that my elder sister Garima Di will accompany us to the hospital.

We reached Mahatama Gandhi Hospital, a stretcher was brought and again I was lifted with the bed sheet and transferred on the stretcher. What an irony, a girl who used to lift up a filled LPG cylinder like she was lifting flowers, now is on bed and unable to move even like a sloth!

It’s something I don’t want anyone to feel…

Remember I told you in my last post that we had a second opinion with other doctors, and thus here was something waiting for me which made my life take a U TURN.

The Head of department of Orthopedics Dr. Rajeshawar Kalla was the one who advised my sister to bring me to Mahatma Gandhi hospital, and thus it was followed.

Meanwhile I was laying on the stretcher in the emergency ward surrounded by lots of doctors, nurses and ward boys, and not to mention other patients like me, I saw a boy who was brought by his relatives after an accident which made the boy go in trauma seeing him behaving like nuts I thanked myself and My Inner voice to be calm and composed, but suddenly was interrupted by two resident doctors named Dr. Rishabh and Dr. Mahipal. They were the people who had to take care of me till the main doctor didn’t visit me.

After taking whole lot information about my accident I heard them saying, maybe I will go for an operation or series of operation, which terrified me, guys!  I am just 23 or 24 and you say series of operation, you must be kidding, I haven’t accepted myself lying on the bed doing nothing and you talk of operation, I wished it was better for me to be in Gurgaon at least the doctor there was not talking of operations!

While dad and di (elder sister) were completing the forms and other formalities, the doctors came near me and told that a pin will be drilled in my knees so as to make the traction work properly, and I was like what! Please repeat what the hell are you saying, my body is having serious wounds all around and you want to give me some more of them, I wanted to cry loudly guys please stop talking all this nonsense it’s hurting me, it’s making me go crazy, but I knew I had to be strong I knew I will be ok, but… 😦

After sometime di and dad arrived near my stretcher, I was taken to X-Ray room X-Ray taken, then to CT scan room, each step covered by me always said don’t worry everything will be good your body will not suffer any more pain,no operation, no drilling nothing but every time when I was transferred to the tables from my stretcher and vice versa there was something which was pinching causing intense pain, whole lower body was in pain, but still the positivity in me always told DON’T WORRY  YOU ARE PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.

Oh dear I wish it was true, soon I was shifted on CT scan table and my lower body entered the hollow circle, it felt like I am giving my final year examinations and everything depends on this final scan of papers, to be true somewhere it was really exciting to see the CT scan machine all by my eyes.

Finally I was shifted to a semi private room bed no. 36, accompanied by a ward boy and my dad and sister. It was a room especially for women who were pregnant so there were ladies who had swollen stomach or with flat stomach with their baby on a side.

The ward boy who shifted me on the hospital bed was a gentle yet a strong man,I still thank him for not making feel bad about my weight or about my inability to move, he was such a good person.

And it was women ward hence dad was not allowed to stay with me so di stood with me.

Soon after everything settled the nurses on duty came up with the weight weighing 2 kg and 5 kg  which was attached to my both tractions .

Followed by some routine checkups and data collection, I remember they checked my blood pressure, pulse rate, and cardiogram was also recorded .

I can never forget the night I had spent on 25th January, it is one of the worst nights I have ever seen, filled with so much pain, agony. Every time I made my di wake up as there was something wrong with the tractions, they were making my pain sensors bubble up.

My ankle had swollen up which made me feel more pain.I was crying like a baby everytime the nurses gave my sister some medicated gauge to insert in between my traction and my heel and said it pains in this manner only.

At that moment I only thought of how I will stay like this for 22 days? It’s painful. On top of this Jaipur is not as cold as Gurgaon was, and I was dressed as the same.

Oh! I forgot to tell you something about my dress. When I was in Gurgaon I had wore thermals followed by a sweat shirt and then a jacket, but due to the accident my lowers were completely tore off so they had to be discarded and all the time I was just in my lower thermal, my jacket was also in that same bad situation so they were also removed.


Well it was about 9 AM when a team of doctors came near my bed it was easy to recognize my doctor, if now you tell me to describe him I would say he is an angel with long masculine body with white hair and beautiful confident smile on his face like the sun has given him the source to light up the worlds of his patient, his eyes full of confidence yet careful something like of the greatest Detective of all time Sherlock Holmes and I will let you know why I am calling it.

For me he is like a Hulk as he can become the great sensitive and accurate man as well a massive strong decision maker.

He saw the tractions and was like are you guys nuts! What is this ,this is not the right way to put traction, remove everything. Soon doctors lifted me up like I was 1 day old baby removed tractions from my both leg, wow! What a relief, as my whole leg had severe wounds (which still after 5 months persist) it was not decided there wont be any drilling that was a relief for me but soon a shock arrived.

I was commanded to lift up my left leg and move it as there were blue patches all over it and followed my bumps, I tried but could not, then he told me to move my neck which also came as big NO, he told me to move my upper part and I was NO I can’t I am NOT…

So now I will show you why I could not.




Other than these huge fractures I was having other multiple small fractures in my hip bones, but the one most sophisticated and serious was in Right leg. There is a  pelvis ring called acetabulum which joins the lower and upper side of our body and in my case this was affected.

There a bone had broken down into 8 pieces, yes you read it right 8 pieces.

Now when I think the severity of my accident I believe I can never forget those people, they have ruined my life.

But in those moments I was brave and happy, only one feeling that I was living not a dead person.

Till 2nd February, 2016 I never understood the seriousness of my case. Although my test result showed that my body was in trauma and trouble but in my mind I was still happy chirpy girl who thought everything is going to be fine.

I have always been a playful strong girl, people near me were always in the mood oh! Common there is no any physical or mental work or stress through which Mahima can’t go through, but now the fact is I am trying to live a CLOSE to NORMAL LIFE but NOT a NORMAL LIFE.

I always wander on mountains and go for tracking forget about walking on a mere slope now I can’t even walk on a simple road, I never wanted anyone to lift of heavy objects climb on walls or platforms but now I can’t even stand straight. I had enough strength to protect my family members from anything wrong and now I even afraid of fast moving bicycle they make me feel like they will come over me and will hurt again.

This is a U TURN my life took.

I always wanted my life to surprise me; I even know that only after complete destruction seeds of new hopes and life can come, but there growth and survival speed is really slow, so slow that it can make you go crazy.

But still I am proud of myself.

Please if you read the post do comment something specially on any incident in your life that made your life take a U TURN as that can inspire people and help them like in my case it did.

Till then Hasta La Vista.


I am because of you

To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. -Barbara Bush

25th January 2016

It was a cold morning, so I was sleeping and saw a dream that the yesterday’s accident was just a nightmare and I am absolutely all right, so in excitement I woke up but, couldn’t move myself, due to traction in my both legs, which was disheartening, yet the feeling of being alive on the hospital bed was something that made me felt better.

I took my breakfast, which was tasty so ate them all, what can you expect from a hungry stomach! uhh…

Last night my dad informed that he was going to come which also means, for sure in his fit  he will say “I told you to be  more careful look what have you done to yourself” while I was thinking about it, I saw my dad with our company driver.


For the first time I saw tears in my dad eyes, I could feel his pain, so with a smile on my face I greeted him, seeing me energetic he recovered back and asked about my health and police complaint.

The incident was already reported to police and a Zero FIR was launched in some other police station which was then transferred to Sadar Police station as the area where my accident occurred comes under this police station.

Dad consulted the doctor and decided to take me back to Jaipur and meanwhile the Head Constable came and I gave my statement and all other necessary details. As till now the diagnosis referred to have bed rest for 22 days only. Doctor told that I could be taken back to my home but in the resting position without moving me.

So soon my discharge papers were prepared, and for this dad arranged an ambulance, which was costly but there was no other option, I remember within just one day we paid almost 35 to 40 thousands of Indian rupees. Then I was to be shifted in the ambulance, as I could not move myself I was lifted along with the bed sheet. I remember my dad’s delicate and loving hand touch when I was a child, and after that this was the date.

When he lifted me, I saw him acting like a firm father and motherly mother. What a moment it was! For a second I lost all the pain I wanted to jump off in his lap…

Journey from Gurgaon to Jaipur was a long and tiring one, on every turn and jump I felt immense pain, and every time this happened dad took my hand and asked if everything is all right. And my answer used to be I am all right but feeling pain in both heels. After every five minutes dad used to adjust my heels so that I got some relaxation, but that was also temporary.

Meanwhile my elder sister took my x ray image and consulted various other doctors in Jaipur, the answer she received from the first doctor was something she could not digest so went to consult other 5 doctors and all had that one diagnosis which was told by the first one.

So it was decided that I will be admitted to Mahatama Gandhi Hospital, situated in Jaipur.

Meanwhile I understood one thing that family is something which will never leave you at any condition, they may cry seeing you in pain but they will never let you cry, and  I am too happy to have my family in my life. From past 3 months whatever I am doing be it recovery or the daily work achievements this is all dedicated to them.

I won’t have been me without them.

We all should thank all of our family members for being there with us.


I hope my dear readers are liking my posts.

The rest story of admission and their diagnosis will be told later on.

Till the next post hasta la vista Readers.

The Big Gift on The Big Day

All I ever wanted really, and continue to want out of life, is to give 100 percent to whatever I’m doing and to be committed to whatever I’m doing and then let the results speak for themselves. Also to never take myself or people for granted and always be thankful and grateful to the people who helped me.

– Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Hi World and Hello Readers,

I am Mahima Tiwari people call me by various name like Mahi, Google (:-)), Momos…

I started with this quote as this is something which everyone must follow up in their life and make this as a motive in whatever they are doing and I also follow it up every time be it bed of roses or bed of thorns.

As I am going to start writing for my blog I really don’t know how to start or what to write as there are so many emotions going on within me like sometimes tears are shedding of like “bin mausam barsaat” (unseasonal rain), sometimes rays of happiness are being showered on me, and sometime an unknown blank emotion covers me up.

Still I can tell you one thing for sure is that the reason for this blog is my genius sister Juhi, she wanted me to pen down my feeling especially the ones I have felt and lived with it, and named them as “Fight2Stand“, it’s going to be a journey of every person in this world who is fighting to overcome their difficulties, you all are welcome to share your feelings and journey of overcoming your weakness.

But before staring the journey may I ask you: “what is the best gift you have ever received on your birthday?” For some it may be Love, some may say “I got a Job”, and for some it’s their first salary, for kids it may be grand party. For me this birthday was really special and you know why!

As I learned to sit on my two flashy thick bumps! yes you read it right on my 24th birthday the biggest gift received by me and that too by my body was I could sit, though it was only for fraction of seconds then I had to again become a bedridden patient, but this fraction of seconds made me forget all my pain I have been suffering from three months.

Now you guys know I am bedridden patient, but I was not like this before and this is something I am suffering from January as…

Wait I am not going to tell you everything in this post but will certainly share it as I believe this may help someone around the world who may be suffering from the same or may be worse which I am.

But certainly my blog “Fight2Stand” is for everyone and anyone who is fighting to stand on their own feet and trying to regain back their identity, this is not only a journey I am going to tell you this is a journey which each one of you leave may be not in the form I am living…

“Fight2Stand” is an initiative to bring positiveness from each negative vibes which is tough but will happen and for sure will happen.

Welcome everyone.. Welcome to your own world, a world of #Happiness #Positiveness





I wish my life was like photographs so that I could change them from black and white to colors or vice versa depending upon my mood and condition.

Dear Readers imagine you being a photograph so that you can easily modify, delete and update the incidents as per our likes and dislikes, like we do with our photos. I am boring you with my photograph odyssey… so let me come straight to the post on my blog. I termed it as the “black and white days”, you may think why is it so? So for this read till the last

26th January, 2016 till 1st February, 2016

Nights are sleepless with the two tractions attached with a heavy weights, but thankfully my doctor ordered to remove those heavy weight attached to my left leg, and came near me and asked if I could lift up my body with the help of left leg or move my left leg, and to my astonishment I failed, I tried to follow his words for many times but I failed. Yes, I failed; I could not move myself, not even a inch. Only my neck was in continuous motion other than my mouth, even my hands were not in my control, a weightlifter could not lift up a glass of water, this was me the “Failed Me”.

The doc got scared and ordered for spinal X-Ray, till now my mom and two siblings could not visit me, and was I happy that didn’t see me in that condition.

Severe wounds and bruises all over the body left ankle swollen up painted in dark blue color, severe pain unable to life or fold the left leg, right one continually hanged with a weight of more than 5 kg. Uhh!  What a Republic Day I was celebrating.

I wanted to move out experience the sun, feel the rhythm on which our soldiers perform their march past, see the toddlers perform in front of President of India but, I was in a room with no scope of sunrays touching my body and greeting me, no fresh air whispering happy and republic songs in my ears.

Soon my thought was interrupted by the team of doctors examining me they said I will be operated, and hearing this I felt like I was in a dark room with no whereabouts of anyone, though I was surrounded by a 10 member team of doctors and my sister along with my dad.

Till now I didn’t understood why operation, please no I will be okay, I don’t want to see that famous operation theater, I am all right spare my body, I am already having lots of wounds they all are paining, bleeding and you want me to give other.

So without my consent the coming Friday was selected for operating me.

So in this way my Republic Day was celebrated, with lots of blood test and continues effort to  pull my left leg and other parts of body.

Here are some pictures taken by my sister while I was sleeping on 27th January, 2016.


27th January and 28th January, 2016 were the white days for me, as my mom came to visit me when I was sleeping in the above position, and meanwhile my sister being a naturopathist worked on me and so I could move my left leg and other parts of body and hence spinal X-Ray was put to halt. The doc was relaxed to see me in this state but his biggest tension was to cure my right side acetabulum ring, I remember he discussed about it with my family, that may be my bone pieces would be replaced by artificial plates if needed as they are badly crushed.

I never paid much attention to whatever they talked or showed to me in the CT Scan, that’s why till now my dreams never showed bad omen, I was pretty confident that sooner I may run and receive my post graduation degree at convocation day. I saw dreams me along with my colleagues with whom I worked for 22 days, I used to thank them for coming into my dreams and wandering with me to make me feel good and confident at least in dreams, because reality was painful, and depressing.

Friday 29th January, 2016 was the operation day, so before this I was put on NBM i.e. Nil By Mouth means no water and no food for almost 12 hours before operation, went under Pre Operation Program, my mom came to visit me, I could see from her face, she was devastated to see me in her condition, I know if this was a daily soap then she must have seen a flash of memories which included running, playing games laughing discussing my future plans with her, but today’s  reality is I am on that bed, unable to move or eat anything on my own.

If there is god anywhere I pray to her please never ever make any parent face such conditions, it’s heartbreaking.

On Thursday in evening I complained of having fever which was neglected as all thought this must be pre trauma of operation. We all have heard that opportunities knock our doors and windows it is up to us to recognize it, but add one thing even problems knock your door and windows just identify them and check yourself.

In my case it was neglected as they knew my inner me knew that something is not good, my blood pressure used to shoot up, the cardiograms said that my heart is not relaxed.

Finally the day arrived I was ready my clothes were changed now I was wearing the clothes to be worn during operation, I complained about having fever, this my sister diagnosed that it was quite high 103° F, soon the nurse informed it to the junior doctors and antipyretic injection was given to me, I was sent to the OT, but after weighting for 15 minutes the main doctor Dr. Kalla sent me back.

(for those who have no idea about operations pre procedure, let me tell you when a patient is to operated they are not given a single drop of blood as when the anesthesia is given to them it can be fatal, but just before the operation the saline water is injected inside the body so that water loss is low. And so the antipyretic injection was given intravenously causing my fever to go down very fast.)

Soon I was rushed back to my bed; all the doctors were near me, I remember on junior doctor saying, nothing has happened to her she is just in trauma of being operated rest agreed but my savior was confident that I am brave girl it’s not trauma there is something else going on.

Soon a series of test were prescribed, and the nurse cam to take my blood for the various test.

My fever was monitored medicines were changed, and now I understood my biggest nightmare has come true, this place will not leave until and unless my every bit of positivism and hope is broken eaten till the last. The reports arrived and everyone was shocked.




They are my reports when I was admitted in the hospital, the one highlighted showed how my body was affected; the whole thing within me was disturbed.


But when the blood and urine culture test was done, something serous was detected, I was having severe microbes growth in my urine sample, WBC rising, CPR rising (it showed high level of infection), RBC going down i.e. my cells were am not able to consume proper amount of oxygen.  This was not acceptable by him, as he thought that this was the biggest mistake done for not going through these intensive tests. I could see anger on his face, he scolded his junior doctors for not taking care of such things, I clearly remember he told them “are you people lost, can’t  you see she is a girl her physiology is different, you must have checked all this reports initially, now we will doing the operation later on, and that is not good”.

Initially I never understood why did he said it, but when I returned back home I searched and came to know that these kind of operations must be done within less than a week, else the success rate is very low.

Nevertheless I was put on special diet to have lots of fibers, proteins and calcium as to fix up the biological process and make my digestive system process normally.

Antibiotic resistant test was conducted and I remember they had made me drink more than 2 liters of antibiotic intravenously, I don’t know why but just after two days my drip injections system(cannula) used to get blocked and so to insert a new one every time the hand was pricked due to which my both hand had so many wounds, they used to pain like hell.

Nights and days used to end up only one topic medicines, medicines and medicines. I lost my appetite, digestive system lost its functioning, and physiotherapy was on. But soon other symptom started, i.e. I started having Goosebumps for no reason, it was told to doctor so he went for another blood test and something socking came, my RBC was dropping every day.

Now I was dropping second by second, with no hope to rise back again.

These black days had the most intense black color, no light, no hope for me.

I used to cry “why me?” Now there was no more connection with my inner me, I had lost her and maybe forever. I lost my body, my brain, nerves, cells every one of them.

I lost the hope that there will be a day when I will be ME. I used to have jerks, sleepless nights, pain in body.

Everything was lost and blank and still is.

Hasta La Vista till the next post and apologies for any grammatical errors.



Good Morning Readers!

It has been long since I updated my blog, so apologies for it. It’s easy to say to be positive all time, but we all break, some sooner or some later, but we all do.

Some break at intervals and some anytime. I usually find something good at everything so sometime people call me “optimistic”, but now it’s enough, I can no more handle the things going inside me. So here I am breaking my chain of blog post, as this is a high time to stop playing a chirpy positive girl.

I have always heard and you all must have also heard that after every accident the survivor or the victim is the most sufferers and accused the least, I used to wonder why? I am a fighter and I can’t suffer the most.

But when I fell in to the web of this line now I understand why it is so.

So this is a letter to my Mr. Accused.

Hello Mr. Whosever,

I don’t know you and we have never met each other, but your one wrong decision has made my life go off track. While you were driving there was a person assisting or may be two were assisting you, they are also equally responsible for whatever happened to me.

Guys why did you took a wrong back turn, couldn’t you gave me a signal, I have only two eyes and that too God has fixed them in front of my body and not at back.

But your mini-truck has rear view mirrors to help you drive; you had people assisting you in driving or so. Still you couldn’t see a fat bulgy girl like me. I was not thin and timid or like a paper or a thread invisible to you.

Or your owner was right that you are the one who is fond of doing accidents and killing people, and I was the lucky one to survive.

You can’t even imagine the pain I am going through or was suffering from.

Let me tell you I could see my right leg but could not feel it, it had come out of my body. For the first time my nerves were behaving as BFF, there were not communicating with the brain they were not following my orders.

You must have been put in Jail for a month or so, and your family must have cried but now your life is on track, and look at me I am 24 now, girls at my age either earn or get married but they don’t seat at home and wait for their body to recover.

For a day or two police must have threatened you or punished, but here every time society punishes me by commenting on my Karma and the way I walk.

I am girl who dreamt of earning to live a lavish life of her own, I have a long list of wishes to fulfill and then settle down in life, but today’s reality is,  each day I am going behind everyone.

I don’t know you are married or not, I even don’t know that you have kids or not, may be you have, you have a happy family. But what about me, whenever I appear in society those silly Aunties comment on me that the situation I have landed on, they will never have a girl like me as their daughter in law.

I don’t give a damn about the topic. I am determined towards my professional life, yet I am human it hurts, the pain I suffer you can never imagine of it.

May be your parents are still alive and they would have gone through deep pain seeing you in Jail or being punished by Police, but do you know what my family went through when I was lying on hospital bed. They had seen a stronger Mahima, who never said no to any challenge, and today’s reality is there is always a big NO for almost everything.

It has been almost 5 months and 16 days of our encounter, and that has changed my life completely.

Your nights must be sleepy and calm or you may work, but I usually wake up during nights not because I have to do something productive but because my body is so much of pain that I need to take turn at short intervals in order to understand which side is perfect to sleep.

After the accident either you are working and earning for the same owner or may have changed but look at me I can’t earn a single penny, though I am from well to do family and don’t require to earn but my knowledge is now in darker side of room which wants to explore the world but is not allowed to do so.

You can never imagine the pain a person goes through when she is not able to do those things which she used to do.

This week Monday my doc told me that I need to halt my life for some more time, and may be for lifetime. And all the credit goes to you. Thanks for whatever you did to me!

Your wrong decision Mr. Accused, yes yours changed my life completely and till now it has changed for bad.

There is not a single day when I don’t feel the pain, there in not a single day I don’t curse you.

I have never though very bad for people even they did wrong to me, but you are person who changed me.

Do you know I was a strong(which still I am) and independent girl but now I require someone to be with every time, as I never know what comes in front which I can’t handle.

I loved tracking; roaming but now I can’t even go to park all by myself. 5 months and I am just in the four walls of my house.

Do you know Mr. I love riding, I had learnt Scooty riding in very less time, was a first yet safe driver, never hurt a dog or even a stubborn squirrel on my way. And now the condition is even a high speed bicycle crosses me I get scared it feels like the bicycle will crush me down, so forget about facing cars.

Whenever my dad takes me to doctor through our car, maximum of the time I am scared of being hit and crush.

When your mini-truck hit me I was screaming so loudly that the other vehicles stood to see the accident but you didn’t listen, I don’t why? Even you were about to crush me second time. Thanks to my angel she came to rescue me.

Well thanks for ruining my life, and thanks to your owner who has the courage to call me and offer to settle the matter out of court, let me tell me it will never happen. I don’t know when but surely you will get punished by law.

And I will make sure you do, so that no other Mahima has to change her life.

A life where one has search for a ray of light to guide her to live a life again.

Thanks Mr. Accused for whatever you did, just by our actions, which you termed as mistakes!


The U Turn

This is something I may not explain how much it affected me but is something that has changed me completely


What’s the point of being negative or fearful? We can’t control it.  –Mathew Ashford

My last post ended up with my arrival in Jaipur, and the diagnosis waiting for me to shatter me for a second.

As it was a long journey, by the time me and my father reached Jaipur, the Sun left us to his own home, it was dark outside like me from inside when I saw three smiling rays approaching near the ambulance in which I was brought to Jaipur, and they were the one who always inspire me a lot and sometimes I do for them 🙂


Meet my siblings we proudly call ourselves “Four Cartoons.”

I wanted to hug them but could not, yet in our in usual way we greeted each other by saying “Yo”. Dad decided that my elder sister Garima Di will accompany us to the hospital.

We reached Mahatama Gandhi…

View original post 1,569 more words

This is my Job


Farming these acres is my job.  A job I chose. A job I chose and grew to love. Being a woman farmer is what I am all about. A woman who farms not a farmers wife. I am the farmer.  The grower of food. cows

And I am still a relatively young woman.  In the peak of her working life. This is not my retirement or anything, I am not old enough for that – not by a long shot – this is my job. This is not a hobby or just something to pass the time. This is my job of work. It is a small enterprise on purpose. I like to fly under the radar. My food revolution is spreading by word of mouth. My job has impact.  I feed people.  I invite people to come and experience farming. This is my job. sow

It is not 9 – 5. It is…

View original post 1,004 more words